Moms are full of amazing one-liners. As a kid those quips are as annoying as all get out. You swear up and down that you’ll never say anything remotely as ridiculous to your own children. I felt the exact same way, but 13 years into this parenthood gig, I’m slipping. Turns out either my mom really knew what she was talking about or turning into our parents is genetically impossible to avoid.
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18 Times I Opened My Mouth and My Mother Came Out
#1: “You’re not sorry, you’re just sorry you got caught.”
Despite my best acting efforts, my mom could see that my remorse was not for whatever misdeed I had committed, but for being idiotic enough to be caught. Now my kids are doing the exact same kinds of things I did and just as sloppily. I mean, come on guys, if you’re sneaking candy, don’t leave the wrappers under your bed—-you’re not fooling anyone.
#2: “We are rich in children!”
Yes children, I know that all of your friends have been to Hawaii. Yes, I know they all have cell phones. But, the joke’s on them! They may think that being rich in money is what really matters, but we are the real winners here. In this family we are rich in children.
#3: “The best gift I’ve ever given you is each other.”
As a kid, I didn’t think there was any way this could possibly be true. A lifetime of my brothers tormenting me didn’t seem like a very good gift at all. Then something magical happened when I became an adult and my siblings are now some of my dearest friends. I try to remind myself of that when it seems like the sole mission of my children is to annoy each other.
#4: “Life is tough and then you die.”
This one seemed a little harsh at the time, and maybe it was. The older I get, the truer the message is. Life is HARD. Glad the expectation was set early on for me, and I’m paying that forward by reminding my kids (much to their chagrin).
#5: “My diet starts on Monday.”
Growing up, I think I heard this one EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND. And I had a good laugh the first time I heard myself say it. Maybe next Monday…
#6: “How do you think their mother guessed, which of them really loved her best?”
This is just a snippet of a poem by Joy Allison. The poem is about two siblings, each proclaiming to love their mother, but one runs off to play while the other stays and helps the poor mother with chores around the house. And I think we all know which one loved her best. My kids get to hear this same poem excerpt every time they complain about helping out around the house.
#7: “I hope your kids turn out just like you.”
My mom called this “the mother’s curse.” I would always reply that I also hoped my kids turned out just like me. However, now that I’m raising a clone of myself, I see how it’s kind of a mixed bag. For better or for worse, I’ve passed the curse forward onto my children. I can’t wait to sit back and watch it come to fruition.
#8: “This hurts me more than it hurts you.”
I really never thought I would be spouting off this kind of nonsense. But once you’ve seen your own child in pain—-be it a bout of the flu, a broken arm, or heartbreak—-you get it. It’s sweet to realize now just how sincere my mom was when she said this.
#9: “I WILL turn this car around and go back home!”
I’ve taken my own spin on this one because I actually do turn the car around and head back home. She never did.