So there you are, three little minutes into the prologue of the movie. By this point, you’ve squandered what amounts to a month’s salary just to be there, considering babysitting, fuel, time… AND DRIIIIIIIIINKS! Then there was the whole “I think you’re in my seat” ordeal that probably could have been avoided, too. But we digress. You’re in your seat, comfy AF, yummy treat making a mess in your lap (oh, and the food, too ), and you realize you’ve already seen the damn thing. In fact, you saw it the summer before Freshman year, and this plot has been recycled a thousand times since then.
Cue 2022’s Jurassic World: ICON. It’ll be three hours of still photographs from the previous nine movies, shown in no particular order, that you’ll pay $25/person to watch because it’s in IMAX. Huzzah.